Let’s talk about the Tough Stuff

 

 Mental Health is one of those subjects that people in our lives have become so reluctant to talk about. Conversations about Depression, Anxiety, other Mental Health Disorders, suicide and so many other topics regarding Mental Health are always talked about in whispers or even not at all. Addressing them loudly will often find you in awkward situations with a few judgmental glances or sometimes even a death stare. The current situation in South Asian Cultures like ours seems to promote a person ‘looking’ happy and successful instead of them actually being happy and satisfied and at peace with themselves and their surroundings. The beginning of the problem is that we have forgotten that we are part of nature and that nature was never meant to be perfect. We fall, we rise, we win, we lose, we learn to adapt and overcome. We were not designed to have everything together all the time. The notion that we should, is what limits us as a society to adapt and to overcome difficult situations that we will inevitably have to face in life. The fact that we are so afraid to talk about things that tend to prove that we are anything less than perfect, is itself what causes so many Mental Health issues in our society. This makes actively starting to talk about it, crucial to free ourselves from hiding or avoiding things that we should desperately be paying attention to.

Thirteen years, which is the most part of our childhood is spent at school, making it the perfect opportunity to educate kids from a very early age about how and why Mental Health is important. Children come from all sorts of family backgrounds and they are not always the ideal conditions for a child to grow up in. However, schools have the ability to provide a safe environment for every child until they discover their fullest potential. The school culture of Sri Lanka is primarily built upon a very large gap between Teachers and Students. This denies kids the ability to properly communicate with their Teachers about anything including subject content. There’s always a certain sense of fear associated with School Teachers that we’re all familiar with in addition to the evident sense of respect that should be there. The combination of this fear and the strict expectation for kids to ‘do as they’re told,’ can influence a child’s personality development in a negative way. In conditions like these, kids do not learn self-confidence, self-worth, or self-love; they simply become theoretical concepts to be studied off a Sixth Grade Civics Textbook. They do not learn how to believe in themselves, or how to stand up for themselves. They are not pushed towards finding the things that they are incredibly good at. They are not convinced to love themselves no matter what anyone thinks of them. They are not encouraged to find gifts that they can share with the world. Instead, students are to a certain degree, controlled and silenced, and only a very few who have the ability to defy these odds are able to identify who they really are, what they can do, and what they are worth. At school, we are suppressed and we are made to believe that our opinions don’t matter. That we don’t have a voice, and when we start university, we are asked why we don’t speak up and why we don’t have the confidence to stand in front of people and voice our thoughts. We are compared to students from overseas and we are questioned why we can’t engage like them, why we can’t be more like them, making us believe that it’s our fault all over again. 

Schools have the opportunity to educate students on topics that can be difficult to talk about. Toxic relationships, narcissism, physical and emotional abuse, gender diversity, sexual orientation, depression, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, suicide are all topics that are very real and should be talked about in detail with teens and young adults. Hiding these subjects from them only denies them the opportunity to learn how to be prepared in the face of adversity, which is unfortunately inevitable for most. There is so much information on how to handle these situations, so much research done, and so many explanations for how these things happen and why they exist. Information on Narcissism and toxic relationships can be an essential tool for kids to protect themselves when it’s time for them to deal with the world beyond school. Kids should be made familiar with what is acceptable, and what is not. They should know how they are supposed to be treated by the people around them, and what they should and shouldn’t tolerate. The lack of information on these things can ultimately lead to physical and emotional abuse, domestic violence, and even more serious issues. Most people will tolerate being abused and controlled simply because they do not know how to stand up for themselves, and they lack self-worth. Some might even convince themselves that abusive behavior is normal. Living in environments with constant belittling, disrespect and manipulation leads to destroyed self-confidence, chronic anxiety, depression, PTSD, and a whole array of Mental Health issues.

Another topic that should definitely be acknowledged is gender diversity and sexual orientation. Gender and sexual orientation are both seen as spectrums by the Research and Medical Community. A spectrum is defined as ‘A condition that is not limited to a specific set of values but can vary, without steps, across a continuum.’ Much like the Visible Light Spectrum, or in simpler terms, the colours of the rainbow. If people have the ability to understand the basic concepts of Electro Magnetic Radiation, it shouldn’t be that hard to understand that concepts like gender and sexual orientation have far more complexity to them than just being identified as binary. Some people even argue that gender being anything other than male or female is unnatural. That anything other than a man being sexually attracted to a woman, and a woman being sexually attracted to a man is against the laws of nature. Once again, most of us have failed to understand that we ourselves are nature. Spectrums and continuums exist because that is simply the way we were designed. We as a society have become so judgmental as to define what we think should exist, instead of understanding and accepting what actually exists. Most people who identify as non-binary or as homosexual in our country hide their true identities because we fail to accept them as they are. We are indirectly forcing them to bury their true selves just because we fail to empathize. In all honesty, life is hard enough without having to worry about something as primary as what your gender is. Diversity is and always has been beautiful. Acceptance of diversity is something that would make a huge difference when considering the mental well-being of so many wonderful, colourful people. 

The simplest way to correctly prevent or deal with mental health issues is to be understanding, accepting, and having empathy. You can’t say you care about suicide prevention if you still don’t accept gender diversity. You can’t say you’re all about Mental Health if you value social stereotypes and labels over the genuine happiness and peace of a person. We are all so different. Our ability to cope, to adapt, our strength is all relative and largely depends on our upbringings, our personality types, and the people we surround ourselves with. Learning to love ourselves first is key to maintain good emotional wellbeing. If we are convinced that our emotional stability is worth way more than any external struggle that crosses paths with us, the damage done would become minimal and reversible. We all have different perspectives on how to live life, and as long as we don’t hurt each other and judge each other we will be able to co-exist with the least amount of Mental Health issues in our society as possible. We have to educate ourselves about all these difficult topics and help others to learn as well. As long as there is education and correct information, there is always hope. So judge a little less, love a little more, start chain reactions of kindness and acceptance and watch the world heal itself. We don’t really know how or why we exist, but since we do and since there’s nothing we can do about it, the best thing we can do is help each other to make life a little bit easier, a little bit happier, and to feel a little bit like everything will be okay.

Written by: Amadhi Dassanayake